AN

ESSAY

UPON

Crosses in Love,

IN A

Letter to a Friend, whose Lover Married another and left her Basely.

OUR Expectation of happiness is (generally) so ill placed from all things in this Life, that it is no wonder we find perpetual Disappointments in them; but when passion makes our choice, we have so very blind a guide as will inevitably lead us to Destruction, and tho Love appears then gentlest and best natured of all those Troops, which daily rises in Rebellion against Religion and Reason; yet our affections are so much the right of our Almighty Creator, that as often as we fix them immoderately upon any of the fading objects here below (how tempting soever they seem to us) we are certainly guilty of Sacriledge towards the Divine Goodness, which fault is commonly punished by the very thing we doat upon.

This (my dear Friend,) I doubt has been your Case, and not yours alone; for soon or late, few escape that mischief, especially amongst our weaker Sex, whose tender Nature leaves them most exposed to Ruine, and tho' they see other Ship-wreck'd before their Eyes, will venture out to Sea on the same bottom, insensible of danger till themselves perish and sometimes fall unpitied.

Men have a thousand advantages over us, but in the affair of Court-ship they add cunning to all their other Accomplishments, and are as truly Zealous to deceive us, as if their Lives (and Souls too) would be made happy by the cheat; a sad mistake I doubt they will find it at the Last (if perjury is to be accounted for) tho your false Traytor like many others, looks upon that time of reckoning at a great distance. Yet since he is not sure it is so, I wish for his own sake at least he would reflect how he could receive that sentence, Thou fool, this night thy perjur'd Soul shall be required of thee, but I suppose he thinks himself excused as being more knave than fool, which Title indeed is so highly due to him, that I believe none (that knows him) will do him such manifest wrong as to dispute it; and I am sure, the blacker he appears, the greater cause you have to bless that Providence, which permited him to break the Contract (since you were not in the least accessory to the parting) for without doubt, he, that proved so ill a Lover to the best of Mistresses, would have made an intolerable husband to the best of wives, and his ill usage would have cost you more tears than his Infidelity (I hope) will do; tho I am sensible a heart, so generous and constant as yours, cannot easily efface the deep impression he has made in it; that must be the work of time with God's assistance, which I hope will never fail you, but my weak Arguments can avail little; yet I beg you to accept them kindly as they are meant, and pardon this Freedom, since it proceeds from a Friendship as sincere as your own thoughts; For I do assure you, I am deeply touched with every thing that concern you, nor is it without great regret, that I submit to my unhappy Circumstances detaining me from being the Companion of your saddest hours, which I should indeavour with all my power, to divert from so ill a subject; you say it is a daily aggravation to your trouble, to think you suffered your self to be so blindly imposed on, but that as I told you before is but our common, alas, too common fate, tho all Impostours are not so industriously wicked, and you ought not to condemn your own Judgment, for want of discovering a cheat, that blinded all the witnesses of his pretensions to you; they must be well versed in Villany that could imagine a Man should take such extraordinary pains to gain your kindness, for no other end but only to make you miserable in this world, and himself so in the next; 'tis true, when a Man of no fortune Courts a woman that is very Rich, prudence obliges her to stand upon her Guard, and to be well informed of her Lover's Principles, before she gives Credit to his Vows; for she that is content to lessen her self in Gratitude to a Man's affections, and neglect her own Advancement, ought to take particular care she does not sell her Estate and person for nothing; yet after all the caution she can possibly use, she may (too late) find her self deceived, for he that seeks his own Establishment seldom wants Hypocrisie to act what part he pleases.

I have lately seen a deplorable instance of this in poor old Delia, who at fourscore married young Strephon in pitty to his sufferings, being convinced by a thousand proofs that he could not live without her (tho she has since had aboundant cause to repent of her Charity) but he was at the trouble of Counterfeiting a good while, and had the art to look pale, sigh and languish violently for her, her money I mean (the only charm she was mistress of) which so dazled his Eyes, that he had been married to her three days before he perceived she wanted an Eye; however, his apprehension is grown much quicker since, and now he discovers so many Imperfections in her, as he fancies will justify all his ill usage, which is indeed sufficient to need a greater excuse.

When she reproaches him with his perfidiousness, he tells her, if her understanding had not been as blind as her left Eye, she must have discerned what he aimed at; when she scolds he laughs, and says, she had better forbear barking now she has no teeth to bite; those that are near her tells me, he has made her distracted; but I believe he found her so, or else she would never have entertained him upon that account; he is just going to send her into the Country to meditate upon her good Conduct, (thinking sallads and pudding a very convenient diet for her gums) which will give him an opportunity to injoy his own pleasures, and her Estate with the greater freedom.

When a woman is Courted by a Man whose Circumstances are much a¦bove hers, she should be very reserved, for it is ten to one his design is not honourable, or if it be a modest denial will make him the more eager, as love was always observed to increase by opposition; nor can we be too tender in the point which concerns our reputation; these Sparks are generally more dangerous Enemies than the last I mentioned, both as our Souls are of infinite consequence, more than our well beings in this world and our own ambition, joining with their flattery, helps to undo us; this bait perhaps did first insnare half the lewd women about the Town, amongst the rest Cloe, our Neighbour, is now a sufferer by it.

When Philander began to visit her, all her friends gave her warning not to trust any fair promises, nor permit her vertue so much as to be once attempted; since as a learned pious Man says, he advances too far that comes to be denied, for those inclinations may be check't in the beginning by a look, that upon small incouragement will appear in the highest impudence; (as she found by sad experience) but she was so besotted by the gaudy prospect, that she soon forgot to keep her due distance and (consequently) he as soon lost his respect; she feared Coyness would obstruct her Grandeur which she valued beyond all things, and had that confidence in his vows to love her Eternally, that she believed her self the mistress of his life and fortune; but he took so much advantage of her security as to compass his own ends, and has since got an opportunity (by the way of wheadle) to tare those papers he had given her as a proof of his good intentions; which, if she had preserved till now, might have obliged him to make her some small reparation for the wrong he had done her, tho he was too cunning to write any thing that would absolutely have bound him to marriage (however she did falsely understand it) but she was not so nice in keeping this writing as she ought to have been, thinking she had a stricter tye upon him, by the mighty passion he pretended; which she now finds, is, vanisht into Air.

When he first avoided her Conversation she raved, and was almost ready to destroy her self, she found all the ways she tryed to recal him were ineffectual, till at last quite tired with her importunities to return, he plainly sent her word he was going to marry a Lady that was Rich and Vertuous, that since she could pretend to neither of those Qualifications, she ought not to complain; this message struck her with a sence of her own weakness, and the good advice she had neglected; Oh, how happy such a bauk in her first amour, might have proved, if she had grace enough to consider her Eternal good, and to make a right use of her afflictions, but instead of imploring the mercy of that God, whom she had so highly offended, she railed and cursed, accusing even th' Almighty Powers of Injustice, for not being more propitious to her folly and wickedness, when she had pass'd a month in fruitless grief, upon examining her own heart, she discovered that in spite of her Satyrs against mankind, she could not live without them, nor leave that wretched course of life she was entred into; therefore her looking-glass informing her, that tears had been a very great enemy to her beauty, she immediately resolved to use all her Art to repair that fault, and soon after appeared in the Box at the Play-House, with as much assurance as if she had no crime to blush for; it was there Pamphilus saw her, Pamphilus, who was never insensible to the advances a Coquet made him, became her humble admirer, and his pretensions agreeing extreamly with her designs, they quickly contracted a close Correspondence; she expecting nothing beyond the present Injoyment, made the most of her Diversions and his purse, and they seemed as fond of one another as if their Souls had been united, but alass, Love, which is built upon such a Foundation, can never continue long, and accordingly theirs is already at an end, without much disturbance on either side, their parting was so easy no body can tell which was weary first, they both pretend to the Glory of Inconstancy, and to their comforts, are both ingaged in fresh intriegues.

Pardon me Dear Madam, for this Digression, in giving you an account of those you have some knowledge of, tho their Actions shew how little they improved by good Acquaintance; a Letter from London ought to have some News, and I shall think my self happy, if mine can amuse your thoughts for a small time, all the world knows their cases are not in the least parallel to yours, yet if another's greater errors can justify our failings, their want of foresight, to so high a Degree, should make you esteem it a less weakness in your self, to be deluded by a person, that seemed to every one (as well as you) to be so very good, so very faithful; it was those well Counterfeited Accomplishments that made him master of your Affections, but since you find him, that you took for an Angel of light, was in reality a Devil, as the cause is removed, the effect should cease; and nothing now appearing of what you valued, you should never more remember him but with abhorrence, nor can you envy her who has the misfortune to be his Wife; for besides his ill Temper which is unmasked (and has been plentifully shown in his Carriage to you of late) all these terrible Imprecations which he used to remove your suspicions of his Integrity, hang heavy o're his head, and will, I fear, involve his Family in Ruin; especially since she knew, before she received him, what deep Engagements he must break through to marry her: and I can scarce believe she could be so conceited of her own Merits, to think he preferr'd her before you, upon any other account but having a little more Money (though yours was equal to his Estate, if it had been what he represented it when he first treated with your Relations): Had she made use of her Reason, she would have hated so Mercenary a Lover; and had she consulted either that or her Conscience, both would have joined in warning her to flye a Serpent who had so barbarously bit another only for cherishing him, in pity to his pretended pain: but hereafter she may see her Error, and smart for the Wound she has helped to give you; yet as none of these things come by Chance, and you know by whose permission they are transacted; I doubt not you will look up to the (first) hand by whom the Blow was directed, and yield quietly to it; I wish you could so far overcome your passion as to do it thankfully; for all your Friends look upon it as a great Deliverance, and time may convince you that it is so; but this I am confident you are sensible of already, that it is designed for your good, and are so much a Christian, that you will endeavour to make a right use of it; for whatever Idea, you have entertained of Felicity in being his, will be abundantly greater as well as surer, in your Contemplation of the Love and Goodness of God, who suffers us to meet with Disappointments in this Life to make us seek our Happiness in another. He only can give us true content, whom we seldom regard but when we are driven to it by necessity: how remiss then should we be in doing our Duties, if all our Undertakings were attended with success, which makes us so eager in the pursuit of pleasure, that we can think of nothing else; tho almost every day's Experience informs us, that it is impossible to find any delight without a mixture of bitterness and sorrow, which one would imagin were sufficient to drive us from placing our satisfactions in those things that perish in the using; and the truer perfection we fancy to be in them, the more sensible shock, each change, each deprivation gives us, what sordid poor wretches must we then be, who, after the paying so dear for our knowledge, are still ignorant, that what we covet incessantly is but vanity and vexation of Spirit; this we are told by him, who had tryed all the alluring Charms of Love and Beauty, whose Quality and Riches gave him the opportunity to gratify every Inclination, and set no bounds to his wishes; if he found such emptiness in possession of them, it is no wonder every one of us, must discover the same truth to our own cost, if we will mistake it upon his experience, let us therefore resolve upon all occasions, to submit our wills as much as we can to the will of our Heavenly Father; and then we need not fear but he will repair all our Losses, and Redress all our wrongs, and in lieu of a deceitful Lover whom you have lost, You will find a most Gracious God who is constant to all those that are true to him, and severe upon all those that are false to others.
 Your Humble Servant.