AN

ESSAY

OF

SICKNESS

A Letter to a Friend, who had been dangerously Ill.

AFter so long, so strict a Friendship, as has been Inviolably preserved betwixt us; I hope it is not necessary for me to assure you, how eagerly I wished to pass this Summer with you; but wherever I am my heart is firmly yours, (that heart which by a thousand obligations is tyed for ever to you). I know your Husband's and Mother's tenderness would render my care of you very needless as to the Nursing part, and my great impatience to see you, now you are ill, is (chiefly) because I could better trust my own Eyes, than any other's account how you are, (least they flatter me in pitty to my trembling Expectations) I must own my concern for you would make me unserviceable (if not troublesome) had I been with you; tho none has a truer desire to assist you at all times, but our Heavenly Father's will must be submitted to in this, as well as every other occurrence that we meet with, and it will be no small tryal of my patience to go so much further from you. I, who think every Post an Age in coming, shall now to my grief be infinitely more uncertain, how it may please the great Phisician of our Souls and Bodies, to deal with you since my Husband's Affairs obliges us to cross the Seas.

Whilst we continue in this World, we are subject to variety of Afflictions, and whensoever God sees fit to lay severe pain or sickness either upon our selves, or those that are dear to us, we must be forced to acknowledge that we are but miserable comforters, not being able to afford each other a moment's ease or satisfaction; want of health vitiates the palate and takes off our taste from all things valuable in this Life, imbittering every Injoyment; as for the noise and bussles which at another time divert, they do then become Insupportable Disturbers of our Rest; and if formerly we have been never so much entertained by them, yet we find not the least remains of Inclinations left, but are willing if we can to lie still and forget 'em.

Riches and Honours, as tempting as they appear to the greatest votaries when well, yet in sickness, if they are accompanied with their usual train of Visitants and Courtship, instead of doing us good by gratifying our Ambition, they help to foment the Distemper but are far from curing it.

And as Crown'd heads are no more exempt from the sword of the destroying Angel, than the poorest Beggers, we may learn from their Anguish how little we ought to value Grandeur, which can give us no assistance in our Extremities; a down-bed is not a better insurer of sleep in such a case, than a heap of straw (to those that were always used to it) and a King that groans under a hopeless sharp Disease (tho he has been never so absolute) is made quickly sensible, it takes its Commission from a higher power than his, and must without Resistance yield to its Assaults in spite of all the Doctors, who, 'tis ten to one to show their Zeal, increase his Torments by their fruitless Operations; and distinguish him from the Vulgar, by making him smart more; it is then, he esteems himself wretched beyond any of his Servants, in their full strength, and would (were it possible) change places with them; health, Alas! is a mercy which is not regarded till it is lost.

Sickness, multiplies all our other Grievances, as well as renders us incapable of pleasures, and the weakness of the body has such effect upon the mind, that it sinks under those troubles that would not move it at another time, but our Judgment decaying with us (which should fill the breast with well digested thoughts) we shall too soon find its place supplyed by wild Chimera's of our own; and startle every moment at Gyants of our own raising up, then every hasty word affrights, and every whisper gives us an Alarm, and a show of the least unkindness strikes us lower than it found us; nay, sometimes we are so unjust to charge our best friends for failing in their Love or Diligence, when they have toiled about us, to a degree that we cannot mention without thanks and blushing after our recovery; and when the want of ability to help our selves, forces us to become burthensome to others, instead of excusing the trouble; we are apt to increase their uneasiness by continual fretting; this is the common method through which the sick afflict their own Brains, and their Attendant's cares, but God's name be blessed, who, as he always indued you with an Extraordinary patience, does not suffer it to leave you in this Tryal; for tho Complaining may satisfy the fancy at the present, it must needs disorder the whole frame of the Body, much more than lying quiet till he that made us, is pleased to restore us to health and ease, but it is not in our power to do this without his help.

Tumbling and Moaning, our misery is indeed so very natural that of our selves we cannot forbear it, tho we know it rack's the head, indangers cold, and what is worst of all, raises the Vapours, an Enemy we seldom have the skill to lay again, Vapours that are alone, a Distemper which fills the Immagination with a thousand terrifying whimsies; and not only Alters, but totally deprives us of our senses, and appears like a forerunner of Death to them that see, as well as they who feel, its most amazing symptoms, this sort of illness varies very often and baffles both them that prescribe, and them that apply the Remedies; and much less can they, who are overcome by the apprehensions of its fatal Consequences, give a just account of themselves; for it seizes so deeply upon their Intellects, that they read their doom in every sad look, and are ready to grasp at the least Discouragement, to feed the conceit of their own being past all hopes of Recovery: and this opinion when it is fixed, not only obstructs the cure, but makes them resent it, if their friends do not altogether credit the dismal Relation they give of their own Condition; which however they find to their comforts, that they often represent more dangerous than it proves, they think you do them a great deal of wrong, if you question their understanding in the case; but the learned have been convinced by many years experience, that vapours mimick all other Diseases, and deceive none so much as those that have 'em; Melancholy will raise the Spleen in Sickness (and sometimes in Health) to such a height that they almost die daily in their belief, not in the Apostle's meaning, for tho the best of Christians are as liable to this misfortune as any other, (it being a defect in Nature not in Grace) I doubt it is a certain hindrance in all their Duties, which we hope, however, that God will mercifully accept, if their desires are bent sincerely towards him, according to their strength; for at his Throne the intentions are more considered than a studied Speech, for he knows our necessities before we ask, but oh! how happy are they whose minds living and dying are Composed in his Service, whom no care nor pain Distracts, and are able, in all the Providences of the Almighty, to say his will be done; not that the best amongst us are capable of this Resignation, without a particular support from above, we must only beseech him if he sees it consistent with our Soul's good, that these houses of clay where he has placed them may molder away so gently, as to give our better part as little emotion as is possible in such a separation, and that he would in mercy translate them from Praising him on Earth, to sing Eternal Hallelujahs to his Name in Heaven; which scene of Bliss exceeds our Comprehensions, let us therefore humbly adore without pretending to search into these sacred mysteries, and by a steady faith in our Redeemer's merits, expect to receive what he has purchased, for as many as believe in him, and do his will, if we have this Glorious Prospect before our Eyes, it will prove the Richest Cordial to our drooping Spirits, and make up for all we suffer in our passage, tho it is rugged and contrary to flesh and blood, whose dictates we are subject to follow, as long as they are about us, which occasions repining at our sufferings, till we loose that thought in remembring the price of our high calling; not that I think a guess is to be made at any person's future Estate by their Patience, or Impatience on a sick bed, much allowance is to be given to their Dispositions and the nature of their illness; which if it affects the head, it is no longer themselves that Act, and Consequently they ought not to be accountable for it: at least not to us who are liable to the same infirmities, and know not how soon the mildest of us may grow peevish under an acute, or Languishing Distemper; but in this and all other Tryals, it is God alone that is a sure Rock, in the needful time of trouble, when humane frailty stifles our reasoning, if he pleases to lay his hand under us, and let his right hand sustain us, tho we walk in the valley of the shadow of Death, yet shall we fear no Evil, for his Rod and and his Staff is sufficient to comfort us.

Now when he lays his Rod without his Staff, who can abide it in such a day of distress, there is no shelter; should we lean upon any other for help, they would prove as spears to pierce our hearts, or as weak Reeds that will quickly bend under us, leaving us destitute and exposed to Temptations and Sorrows; particularly when we find a Deprivation of Health, which the Devil who knows our blind sides very well, believed to be so unguarded a fort that he thought himself assured Job's integrity would fall a victim to him by it, if he had God's permission to attack him there; skin for skin says he, and all that a Man has will he give for his Life; but tho neither the force nor cunning of this Enemy, joyned with the cruel reproofs of his friends, had the power to make him charge God foolishly (how severely soever he was Tormented by them yet it did compel him to break out in bitter Exclamations, against the day of his Birth, and in the midst of his Resignation, he expressed a deep sense of his Calamities; it is no wonder then if we Complain since that was done by so great an Example of patience, of whom our Cteator declared, that there was at that time none like him upon the Earth: and in this degenerate Age I fear there are still fewer Imitators of his virtues, but as God has not given us the same strength as he had, neither has he suffered us to fall into such Afflictions in Body and Estate; for if he did, I doubt we should speak unadvisedly with our Lips.

But too many, amongst us, seldom need his miseries to carry them to a fault; that is now daily practised without any excuse but meer Diversion, or an Idle Custom, by men of all ranks, whose common Discourses are so stuft with Oaths, and horrid Imprecations, that one would conclude Job's wife were there Spiritual guide, they shew such readiness to curse God, and call not only for Temporal but Eternal Death, invoking him at every word to damn and sink 'em, little reflecting how dreadful a sentence they would bring upon their own heads, if he should say, Amen: I doubt it would signify nothing, when they come into another Region, to pretend they were not in earnest in what they spake so devoutly; yet after all, I am far from imagining they mean what they say; but since some have been snatched out of the world, with those words in their mouth, I think the danger considerable enough to be avoided, and I fancy these Martyrs in the cause, making so horrible an Exit, could be no Incouragement to their followers, who dare scarce vindicate the crime they Commit; I wish it had more force to deter them from shewing such irreverance to the most high God, and mentioning the Blood of the Covenant as an unholy thing, by mixing it in all their filthy jests, or sometimes using the wounds of the Meek, the Blessed Jesus, to express their rage and lust, indeavouring one way or other, to draw him in as a Confederate to Debauchery and Oppression, who knew no sin, neither was any guile found in his Lips; and, as if this were not sufficient to make them in danger of Hell fire, they add (the lesser weight) of not only dispising their Brother, but breathing continual Execrations against him, upon every frivolous occasion; and sometimes in good fellowship, as if they only cursed him to the Devil that they might not be parted.

This is strange daring in the strongest Constitutions, but to hear those who are scarce able to creep about, that look like Lazarus fetched from the Grave, and are rotten enough to be worms meat before they come there; to hear these poor Mortals venture to provoke and (seem sometimes to) defy the hand which has almost crushed them to peices already, is surely the heigth of Impudence, and must cost them many sad thoughts, if they have but sence enough to think of that place whither they are going, and to which their own curses have condemn'd them; but I am afraid, whoever indulged themselves in this, or any other sin, upon the hopes of a Death-bed Repentance, found it a very improper Season, and would not advise their Friends to delay it so long; it must be very difficult when the body and mind are wearied with their Distemper, to call the Conscience to an account for what was so customary to them, that they were hardly sensible when they did it, and could not in perfect health indure the Fatigue of slightly recollecting their Souls.

But besides the more then ordinary pains, besides the hazard of not having oppertunity given for this dilatory way of making our Peace, and our great unfitness to begin this work, when we can have so little assistance from within; some have been split upon another Rock, and fallen into a dreadful despair of God's mercy, which is the most insufferable torment that flesh and blood can feel, and is as much beyond Description, as the Heaven they think they are excluded from; It may then truly be said, the whole Head is heavy, the whole Heart is sick, and renders them incapable of one minutes ease; for the Spirit of a Man may bear his infirmities, but a wounded Spirit, oh! Lord, who can bear.

Nothing transcends their misery, except that Everlasting fire, prepared for the Devil and his Angels, which is so lively represented to their Imaginations, that it gives them a taste of the flame and brimstone into which they fancy they are Dropping; how prudent are they who consider and avoid this precipice; for early or late, we shall all find what fruits we shall have of those things whereof we are, or should be ashamed, but tho cursing and swearing is grown a bold fac'd transgression, and people are not much given to be ashamed of it at present, they will find in the end it must be accounted for, and they cannot deny but it is the most unprofitable of all sins; for it damns a Man for a little Air, or extorts a dear Repentance from them, without being inticed by any pleasure into their fault.

A disturbed Conscience is certainly the saddest Circumstance of a sick friend, and I heartily beseech God to keep me and all I am concerned in, from falling into it, that we may never have a distrust of our Salvation through Jesus Christ, nor presume groundlesly upon his Merrits, without lamenting and forsaking our sins.

But your Life hitherto has been so strictly pious, that I do not in the least apprehend you want a summons from me to look up to him, who is the Author and the Finisher of your Faith, and to call upon him in all distresses: no, to my Joy, I hear how constant you are to your Devotion in the midst of your pains, and that you retain your ever quiet temper, under those variety of tortures, that might discompose the strongest brains, that you show no repining at the will of our Heavenly Father.

All this sedate frame of yours, being considered, it may appear very impertinent in me, to mention several things that my pen slipt into; but I was forcibly led into it by some unhappy instances, that I have lately seen of those who in their health could talk irreverently enough of a leap in the Dark, but in their sickness had a glimpse of fire, tho not of light, only so much as serv'd to convince them, that they were altogether out of their way; but God who opened their Eyes, I hope did at the last forgive their offences.

We have the Example of the repenting Theif upon the Cross, which must prevent our passing Judgment upon one another, and yet those that are the witnesses of their sufferings, who lie under the torment of a troubled Conscience, will find little Incouragement to undertake their courses, tho there is a possibility of pardon, but let us make our calling and Election more sure, and work before the night comes, the night of Affliction either in body or mind, for when we are declining in our healths, or clouded in our thoughts, how unfit are we to Judge of, or to improve our Soul's Condition; what a sad turn shall we make, if instead of remembring our Creator in the days of our Youth, we resolve to have as little as we can to do with him, till wearied in the Devils Imployments, and assaulted by him for doing no more; We should cry, Lord have mercy upon us, and betake our selves to Heaven, when we can stay no longer here, never looking for Oyl in our Lamps, till the Bridegrooms coming, from whose presence, God grant, we may never be shut out. But I forget, much reading may incommode you, who wish you all Health, and am Yours.